time flies...

this week i am reminded how quickly time flies. 10 years ago (on the 22nd) i made a HUGE decision, that would affect me the rest of my life... i got myself some boobs! WHAT?? you hussy!!! yep, i'm 'that' girl that wasn't satisfied with how she was.... so i made some 'improvements'. it's shocking to me now, to look back at what a big decision it was, and to think that i made that 'grownup' decision when i was just a kid. for as long as i can remember, i always wanted boobs... but wasn't "blessed" with them. when i turned 18 i was thinking "OMG, i'm an adult now. i could probably buy them if i want. but how will i ever get the money?". when i was 19 i was in a car accident. my car was totaled, and in turn, i got some money. BINGO! haha i bought a new car (well, new for me) and with the extra money, i decided that, naturally, the smartest thing to do was get implants. i can remember talking with lots of people about it at work. (i worked at nordstrom at the time.) i remember talking with 1 guy and he said "i think it would be smarter to spend the money on a vacation or something"... pshhh, what did he know?! there was 1 girl that i thought was soooo pretty, and she had fake boobs, she talked with me about it and said "trust me, you'll regret it. in 5 or 6 or 7 years you're gonna remember me telling you this, and you're gonna say 'wow, she was right'". pshhhh, WHATEVER girl, of course you can say that... you already have the boobs, and you're gorgeous! there were less people that encouraged it, than people that tried to talk me out of it. of course it was ultimately gonna be my decision and i had my mind made up. nobody was gonna change my mind. so, a few months after my 20th birthday i did it! it was sooooo scary. the night before the surgery i can remember crying before bed. my mom said "you can change your mind. we don't have to go", and i said "NO, i want to do it. i'm not crying because i don't want to. i don't know why i'm crying". the appointment was early in the morning (thank goodness. it would've driven me crazy to have to wait around all day). i don't really remember much from that morning... i'm sure i was just quiet and anxious. we drove down to my doctor in la jolla, and we were taken back right away. my mom eventually left then came back later to pick me up. i went back with the doctor, and had to put on the thin hospital robe, knee high tight socks, and paper hat thing. man i looked good! then the doctor drew all over my chest in marker. literally from my neck to my belly-button, i was covered in marker lines, circles, arrows, etc. by now, i'm a little delirious, thinking 'holy cow, this is really gonna happen!". i had never had surgery before, so i didn't know what to expect. i thought they'd stick me on a gurney, then roll me into the operating room. NOPE. i WALKED into the operating room! the nurse held my arm, and walked with me. i remember her opening the double doors, and i looked in and thought "OH CRAP! an operating room!" there were big lights, lots of nurses, and it was really, really, really cold in there. i laid on the table, and they put the oxygen mask on me. i had seen movies/tv shows where they do surgery, and this isn't what i expected. i said "wait! aren't i supposed to countdown backwards from 10?", the nurse laughed and said "you wouldn't even make it to 8".... that's the last thing i remember. i woke up after surgery shivering... like i couldn't keep my jaw shut, it was chattering uncontrollably. apparently this was a reaction to the anesthesia. they pushed me, in a wheelchair, out to my moms car... which i barely remember. i was sooooooo out of it. my mom said the only thing i said on the hour drive home was "do they look big?" and my mom said "sure", and i  replied "thanks!". so you'd think that's the end of the bad stuff, right?!?! surgery is over, all is well. WRONGGGGGGGG! turns out my body doesn't react well to anesthesia. AND apparently i have an allergy to medications with codeine in them. sooo, that means for the 1st 2 days after surgery, i was sick to my stomach. now, try to imagine this... having your chest cut open, large balloons crammed in there, sewn up with stitches, and being sick to your stomach. yep, every time i got sick, i swore my chest was gonna bust open. it was miserable. i cried. i didn't eat. i barely slept. it wasn't until the middle of the day after surgery, that the dr's suggested i was probably getting sick from the pain meds, and to quit taking them. ummmm, excuse me?! stop taking the pain meds? yep. i had breast implants the day before, and i was only allowed to take tylenol and tylenolPM. it was a rough recovery, but i survived, and i went back to work just a week later - still with stitches in, still swollen, still bruised, still in a ton of pain. 

fast forward to now (10 years later) and i can't believe at just 20 years old i put myself through that. i can't really remember how bad the pain was, all i know is that i hated it. i'm sure it's similar to having a baby... you remember you were miserable, but you don't remember exactly how bad it was. 

maybe i should've saved that $5200, or spent it on something else. i dunno. i can't really say that i regret it. i CAN say that i don't think having bigger boobs is as important as i thought it was. i actually think natural little boobs look way better than fake ones. but i'm sure if i didn't get them back then, i'd still want them today. if i knew a young girl that wanted to get them, i'd tell her they're not that big of a deal.... but like the 19 year old me, she'd probably ignore me and do it anyway. 

*k, for reals, i can't concentrate on how to end this blog cause jared leto is on tv. hahaha. i'm serious. i keep trying to think of a good couple of sentences to wrap this up, but i'm soooooo distracted. maybe i should've saved that $5200 on therapy for my leto-sickness. probably would've been better spent. what is wrong with me???? k, i gotta go, LOL* 

yep, that's how i'm ending it.